I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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