Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
