we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
high people should be assigned attendants
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
