hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
