Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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