thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize