His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
