at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
