woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize