you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
