tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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