I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
