Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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