Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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