just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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