I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize