you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
