Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
