Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
