well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
