My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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