Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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