another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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