I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
