Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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