your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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