low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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