I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
