Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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