Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize