Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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