um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
