Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
