If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
