I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
