I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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