the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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