She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
