Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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