Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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