Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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