Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
