She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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