peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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