You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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