I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
