so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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