Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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