no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
