I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
