sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
