I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
