Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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