Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
