forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
did i just pee glitter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
