i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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