So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
