Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My brain says no but my pants say off.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
