Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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