she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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