I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
