True but thats because hes a fetus.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
