she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
