Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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