i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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