God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The beer is more important than you right now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
