Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
