i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
These tits shall not be calmed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
