I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
