My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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