its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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