I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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