I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
