I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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